Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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