I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I met the friendliest cop last night
my vag is so smooth its legendary
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
