YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
