who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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