Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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