Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
