Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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