What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
