How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
