What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
