You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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