Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
