Kiss
Puke
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I didn't notice because vodka
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
