Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
