i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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