All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
