@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You are a genius and a whore.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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