I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
