Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
