so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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