the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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