Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize