Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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