Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
