These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
