I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
