I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
