We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
