Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize