I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
