new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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