Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
