How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
high people should be assigned attendants
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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