i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think my moral compass just broke
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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