Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
