his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
