I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
