I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
