Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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