i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
