just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
