Life is so much better after having sex.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
