There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
