Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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