Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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