How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
