u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize