I wanna passion pit in your ass
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
