Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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