I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize