mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
