Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
