Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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