....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
