I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
