Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
