90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
