his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
