Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
