how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
