the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
