Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
