last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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