Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
