i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
