Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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