you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
