honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
